Mental and physical breakdown

its official. I over did it.

nausea, stomach pains, sore throat, headaches, runny nose, cough, lack of focus.
I pushed myself too hard to do well, and when i stress with how weak my immune system is normally and how prone i am to getting horrible sick I didn't stand a chance. I guess i should be thankful I didn't have to go to a hospital this time.  But i feel awful. trying to type up homework and papers and revisions when My head and body feels like I could pass out at any second. so worried at how i am gonna fail.  already had a few crying episodes at how I hate that I can't handle stress and how mad I am at myself for getting sick. I don't know how I will make it, but I gotta try. i can't stop working even if I do end up in the hospital again, I can always push through the pain. even if I am on enough medication to knock out a lion.  4 days and I can pass out and sleep for weeks or months if I want. just if there is a god... let me get through the next 4 days let me feel like I did well. That i'm not a failure that always has severe medical problems that keep her from being able to do things other kids can.  let me at least finish the work for this today and pass out and wake up tomorrow and do my other work.  

Organization

Tonight I have to search through my entire apartment for all my photo work for this semester to give to my teacher for a notebook check tomorrow... and let me just say I am fucked. Although I don't what I could possible make this teacher like me at this point as they picked me out in the beginning of the semester to be a punching bag that get lectured about things not only I do wrong.  I am just glad my parents are understanding about knowing when teachers do have a least favorite student, don't get me wrong she is gonna fail half the class and the entire class hates her, but she takes her stress and annoyance at my classmates on me. I honestly should have dropped the class when I had the chance.  C'est La Vie.

so many papers to write

school is completely overwhelming

ugh i'm so tired it kills

Overwhelmed

All I can think about is all the shit I need to get done in the next two weeks and while I am sitting in class and trying to fall asleep at night.... it wont stop bothering me. I feel kinda sick, the only kind of sick I can get around finals, last semester it wasn't that bad for finals, and my first finals... well I had been in the hospital the week before hand very sick and was then discharged before i was better.... those finals were a blur of painkillers then me flying home to Chicago to go to hospitals there. I think that experience has made college finals seem even more overwhelming and hopeless.

Y-Me Fashion Show

Y-Me is a Breast Cancer organization that has a hotline for people going through breast cancer 24/7, 360 days a year, in 150 languages. I photographed a columbia college fashion show for them last night. Here are some of my favorite photos:

Community

I have recently gotten into the show Community. It is the funniest show I have ever watched. Even with it being only on its 3rd season it is a very popular show. I highly recommend watching it. The head writer is a genius.

Stress

Finals will be the death of me. That is all.

Korean Dramas

So my best friend is korean and loves to secretly watch korean dramas. She has made me watch a couple and they are oddly addictive. Everything that could happen and could go wrong does. Most of the story lines are completely rediculous and most are love stories of things that would NEVER EVER HAPPEN. example: prince marrying commoner, hotel heir marrying stunt woman, movie star and a spy....etc. usually rich guy falling in love with a poor but headstrong woman. And I thought Disney gave women unrealistic expectations in men.

I think I make more work for myself.

why on earth did I decide to do a photo final with people..... people are so unreilable when it comes to scheduling photo shoots.

End of the semester

I have to do like 1 6 photoshoots in the next week and a half and papers to correct(I promise I will get my rewrite to you... downloading it from my email is having some weird problems) and I am starting to get overwhelmed and all I want is summer. I hope I survive the next month.

Heating

My building controls the heat for all the apartments which has led to some really really cold nights. I bought a space heater but it isn't always enough as it only really works on my bedroom leaving the rest of the apartment cold. So on days like today when you would assume it would be warm out and its really cold... my apartment is freezing. Which makes it so much harder to get out of bed when the bed is so warm and you have finally found a great position.

Drugged

so yesterday morning I went to the dentist and they drugged and numbed me and took care of one tooth, then told me I would have to go somewhere else for the other teeth. So my mom rushed me somewhere else not wanting to have to go another day. They drugged me a lot more and numbed the rest of my mouth like 20 times more. I assume it went well and that I got home and took pain meds and passed out on my bed. I just woke up about 20 hours later feeling so drugged, still in my clothes from yesterday, with a big scratch on my chin. I missed my classes yesterday(Really sorry about that) and I lost all of yesterday. I wonder if this how people feel the morning after they got blackout drunk. ok my head weighs a billion pounds right now I can't finish typing

I hate the dentist

no one likes going to the dentist but I have a really bad history with them. My most recent problem is an old dentist messed up fillings I had and they got worse... so much worse that I have to get a root canal tomorrow morning. My mouth feels like it is being beaten with a hammer.

Time management

I am not the best at managing my time, but that is part of being a student... learning how to manage your time. So when a teacher absolutely sucks of keeping track of time... and when they do it every fucking time we have a critic of each other's work... I'm a bit fed up. My photo teacher last semester timed each time we went over a student's work. So we wouldn't spend like 20 minutes on one student and only 5 on another. So this semester when the teacher spends like 15 minutes on the first 10 students and doesn't even get to me and says "it's ok just hand it in" I can't take it. Did I not spend $100+ on film, film being developed, paper, and a filter on this midterm? Did I not spend 15 hours in the darkroom and shooting? I want feedback on my goddamn work from my classmates. But SURE LETS SPEND 15 MINUTES on another picture of graffiti... which is so artsy even though the real art is done by the fucking graffiti artist. This the 4th time my teacher has either made me last or hasn't let me go at all. And when he makes the order... I can't help feel like he does this on purpose.

And when I confronted him... he says I can go first next time... which is our final. Worst teacher ever. Can't wait for the teacher evaluations. I swear this man will regret treating my work like shit all semester.